The Woodsman's Trophy: A Clockwork Fairy Tale

Don't ask me.  Really.  This was inspired by one of M's polymer clay and watch part pendants.  This is probably best rated PG-13 due to background sexuality and disturbing cannibalistic content, but if you can identify the fairy tale from what's before the jump, well, then, you're probably prepared for it.

The queen bade him to slay the princess and bring back her human heart. “For,” she said, “I know you will not kill your own kind, and the chit was born, not made.”

The woodsman nodded gravely with a slow, inexorable tick of clockwork, shading his eyes with their smoked-glass inner lids before the queen. She dazzled his mechanically optimized eyes as she dazzled everyone's, for her outer cladding was white gold and germanium; but through his shaded lenses he could see how the streaks of blood-red rust decorated her, and knew as few could know that the plating was thin, for the metal beneath was base in nature, and the fresh coats she demanded ever more often could only slow the wearing and tarnishing. Perhaps, in her youth, this was why the automaton lady had adopted the name Rose Red, so that she might brashly claim the rust was only her true mechanical blood showing through, but this was when she was a bolder woman and before she had fallen in love with the king.

I have done science to it!

Having thrown in the towel on trying to grow vegetables by a wall with northern exposure, I reluctantly tried one of those TopsyTurvy tomato planters. (If you're buying them, don't buy them on that site -- they're cheaper elsewhere!)

The things actually work.

The tomato plant has doubled in size in a week. Better yet, I've cut our water usage on vegetables by half.

See, working on the logic that it's better to ask forgiveness than permission, I planted a second tomato in a pot just below the Topsy Turvy -- the higher one was taking out that chunk of walking space anyway, right? I added a marigold (seeded by last year's) to keep the bugs off, then caged it with one of the cages that comes to a point at the top. These are a little more work because you have to train the bush through the openings, but not much.

So now, when I water the Topsy Turvy, the runoff makes it rain steadily on the lower tomato. The pointed cage carries the water down and evenly around the edges of the pot. With one marigold and one off the ground, we have no worries about tomato worms, and none of the water used for the Topsy Turvy is lost.

Triumph!

New Special Offer through March 28

I've been combing all the 2010 fashion forecasts in search of ideas for my first bridal line, which I'm spending most of my time trying to get finished and packed to go, and all seem to agree: Those crazy big statement pieces that have been in fashion the last couple of years? They're not going anywhere. Or rather, they're going everywhere.

The big bridal trends, apparently, are vintage-inspired, cameo pieces, and beaded-fabric bib necklaces. I like how I'm currently doing none of these.

However, statement pieces I have. This I can manage. Hence!


Available here.


Available here.

So, buy any item tagged with "statement on or before March 28, 2010, and I'll send you a free coordinating piece. If you buy a necklace, you'll get a bracelet; if you buy a bracelet, you'll get earrings or a pendant.

To claim your free gift, use the discount code "final" when purchasing.

I have a blog, so I get to have opinions. Go me.

Start a Petition »

Oh, and there's also a Facebook fan page.

This is an issue close to my heart for very obvious reasons. And on a level quite apart from any personal situation:

There's a seventeen-year-old girl who has not only been denied her senior prom, she's been forced to go to a school where she is roundly hated for trying to attend with someone she loves.

Fifty years ago, this might have been a black/white couple; my own mother was teased for "going zebra" with her African-American boyfriend to her senior prom. Today Constance is in the exact same situation, and it breaks my heart.

And yes, this is completely unrelated to jewelry, jewelry businesses or any of the stuff you visit this blog for. I suppose I should apologize for soapboxing so much lately, but instead I will only ask for understanding.

Just a note to jewelry buyers

This is something I really should specify to custom-order customers, and really it's my own damn fault for never saying it, because by the volume of Etsy Alchemy requests, this is not something a lot of people know.

But here's the number-one way to seriously annoy a jewelry artist: Ask for "something similar to this photo," when you're really expecting an exact match.

We don't do that. Not if we're honest, anyway. That is not what an independent artisan jewelry designer is for.

I really have no problem creating jewelry inspired by something else, and I ought to start specifying that that isn't the same as exact mimic of someone else's work.


Available here and coming soon.

I'm not really angry with the customer in particular, because again, I should have specified. This isn't something people know. But I can't help but be a little annoyed, because for this order, I was provided photos, I got as close as I could, I made multiple versions of the one pair emphasizing different aspects of the original, I didn't bitch about the fact that I haven't been paid yet ... and now the customer isn't buying the second pair because it's "not quite what she was looking for" and is reasonably okay with the first but wishes it was closer to the photo.

Excuse me?

So I've now worked for free, after saying as I always do that I wanted half up front, and been told that my interpretation wasn't wanted -- just exactitude. I've turned down lucrative bids because I have integrity and will not imitate someone else's work exactly. It annoys me even more to finish the bid and then be told that exactitude was wanted.

It's not the customer's fault. She didn't know. What's making me significantly crabby is that people in general don't. My artistic integrity feels small and angry.

New special offer through March 14

March's birthstone is aquamarine, which I have a soft spot for. This is a little odd as I don't think I know anyone who was born in March. A little Googling later, I have a Fun Fact to share: Aquamarine is actually a color variant of beryl. Other variants include dark green (emeralds), though the aqua coloration is found in massive crystals and emerald usually in very small deposits, explaining the value difference. Aquamarine beryl tends to start out as heliodor, which is a pale yellow beryl stone; heat treatment turns it to the valued pale blue-green shade. Outside of geological circles, the word "Beryl" primarily survives as an out-of-fashion woman's name rather than a gemstone descriptor. Don't you feel educated now?

For items that are definitely not made of aquamarine but share its color, here's a special offer.


Available here.

Get 10% off on any item containing the color aqua when you use the discount code spiff. In addition, use the code to get 75% off shipping on any order over $40!

Aqua items in the shop include one of the popular bobbin charm bracelets, several pairs of earrings and a couple of necklaces. Search for it or go on a scavenger hunt -- with only 14 tag slots, not all of them have color tags! Offer runs through midnight on Sunday, March 14. Discounts will be given through PayPal after purchase.