Reflecting on evangelism

Today, someone tried to either pick me up or save my soul, and I'm not entirely sure which.  M votes "both."

After I finish work, if I'm not in the mood to truck into Clemson, I walk behind the writing center of the technical college where I tutor and read.  Friday, I had forgotten after I showered and didn't have my ring on.  This will become significant.

I was sitting alone on a brick wall over a little amphitheatre, rereading The Return of the King (the first authorized American edition, which I sadly can't find a photo of, but it has this incredibly surreal stoneresque cover art that Papa Tolkien haaated) and looking out into the forest behind the school, when a cute curly-haired boy about my age (21) walked over and struck up a conversation which started out as an idle chitchat ("How are you doing?  I'm hearing we're supposed to get another snowstorm.  Do they have music down there ever?"), and then turned into clear disappointment when I mentioned that I worked there (because it was easier than "please stop hitting on me, I'm sort of engaged -- to a girl"), then we talked about the writing center and he made as if to leave and then remember something --

-- and dug out a flier for the Campus Crusade for Christ.

I have an ethical objection to evangelism.  I think it speaks of overweening pride, which last I checked was one of the Seven Deadly Sins, so logically if you believe in sin you really shouldn't be loud about it.  However, I realize that everyday missionary efforts (we called it "witnessing" when I was a churchy type) are hard and thankless work; they take a lot of courage and a lot of social navigation; and regardless of how I regard the idea of pressing your beliefs on others because you are so utterly convinced you're right, they are often (not always) undertaken with a view to the betterment of mankind.

Consequently, throughout my undergraduate, I had a personal rule that if I didn't have anywhere to be in a hurry, I'd stop and talk to the political and religious folk who hailed me.  I made some friends this way -- our Hare Krishna monk, Avidar, was a really nice guy -- and I learned a little -- I now refuse to eat pate -- and on two occasions I told people very coldly what I thought of them and their cruel, pessimistic form of Christianity and kept going, but much of the time, people were kind and smiling and, most importantly, seemed cheered by having had someone talk to them in a polite, friendly and open manner, or smile and thank them for whatever they were passing out.  This made me feel better about myself and often put a better spin on a long day.

Due to this policy, when I moved, I had a shelf containing two Books of Mormon, a Bhagavad-Gita, two PETA pamphlets, a handbook of Buddhist principles, several copies of The Watchtower, and four different colors of the little Psalms-Proverbs-New-Testaments that the Gideon Society hands out.  I confess that I paired them up oddly in the hopes they'd get into fights.

So what to make of this encounter?  I'm not sure why it troubles me so much, except of course for the little voice in the back of my head that always says You are vain and self-deluded for thinking that he could really have actually been interested, a voice which I struggle against daily and which I am mostly overcoming ... mostly.  But then, this is a topic that often bothers me a little too much; I remember being one of those shallow evangelical types who was taught to be supercilious about rejecting everything that did not perfectly align with the worldview of my (less-than-highly-educated and, in some cases, questionably-interested-in-working-with-teens) adult mentors, and, like the former cult member I sort of am, that type of person frightens and disturbs me greatly.

This boy wasn't like that, though, or not that I could see, and it's possible that he genuinely did just come over to talk and then remember he was supposed to pass around fliers.  And I wish I could get over this mistrust and just be flattered that this shyish-seeming person considered me worth making a clear effort to come and talk to.

And also, I possibly need to not forget my engagement ring anymore so I'm not sent into an unhealthy level of self-reflection.  So it is resolved!