Starting Monday with a Nastygram

I received this email in June from the business school attached to my undergrad university.


Dear Chelsea,

Our records indicate that you have either recently finished or will soon complete your undergraduate degree at UCR. I am proud of your accomplishments and certain that you will continue to be successful in the future.

While finishing college is an exciting time in the life of any graduate, you may be feeling discouraged in your search for a suitable job. As the Dean of the Anderson Graduate School of Management (AGSM) at UCR, I am keenly aware of the impact of the economic downturn on professional careers available to recent graduates. It is indeed frustrating and disheartening to attempt to enter the job market in the current financial climate.

The good news, however, is that this is an excellent time to consider starting your graduate studies. Our records indicate that we have been in touch with you about our graduate programs in the past. Therefore you may already know that a Master of Business Administration (MBA) is, by far, the most sought after and competitive graduate degree. At AGSM we offer an MBA program that is accredited by AACSB and is focused on developing leaders ...

[further platitudes ensue]

***

Dear Dr. [redacted] (or manager of this inbox),

Thanks for your interest in having me apply to the Anderson School of Business Management.  While I have moved across the country and my degree from UCR was in fact in the social sciences, not in business, I am now a freelance copywriter having reasonable independent success despite your concerns about my employability.

Consequently, I have a counter-offer for you.  For the relatively competitive price of $25, I will ghost-write the email that you send to candidates like me in such a way that it removes the paternalistic and condescending tone which, sadly, reeks from the first two paragraphs of the email I received from your program dated 16 June, 2011.

If you intended for the air of condescension to be so apparent, then I apologize for the assumption on my part.  Thanks in advance for your consideration and I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Sincerely,
Chelsea Clarey
Copywriter
 scribblegoat@gmail.com
elance.com/s/scribblegoat/10180/
scribblegoat.etsy.com